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Hallelujah- A Sunday in Tierra Santa

Sam Ginsburg

By | July 16, 2010

Plane flying over the Jesus theme park

Stepping away from the manger, I found an entire ancient world waiting for me to explore. An array of fake sheep and camels were dispersed through out the park, though signs prohibiting you from climbing on top of them, combined with a Middle Eastern, authoritarian aura which lingered in the air, prevented any horseplay. Of course, the enormous electronic Jesus figure (I called him Robo-Jesus) at the top of the small hill stood out above everything else. There was a museum-like synagogue, full of artifacts and erudite Jew figures, and a mosque that remained pretty empty despite the crowded park, probably due to the sign that mandated removing your shoes before entering.

There was a very nice church with many lit candles, and an eerily dark hallway with a number of proverbs and biblical passages. This connected to the hall of King Solomon, which had more bits of wisdom on the walls and a figure of the wise king hard at work at a desk (yeah, I got a picture with him, too). There were a few monuments to important people, like Mother Theresa, Pope John Paul II, and an oddly placed tribute to Ghandi. And of course, there were also different vignettes featuring scenes from the life of Jesus scattered throughout the park, all of his greatest hitsl. Overall, I’d say, the exhibits ranged from pretty cool to a little creepy.

However, nobody goes to Tierra Santa for the exhibits; you go there for the shows. Aside from the nativity scene, there is a Genesis scene and Last Supper. The Last Supper startled me a bit, as I was expecting more immobile statues. I was surprised to find fully moving, animatronic apostles, though they made the robot in Free Willy look natural in comparison. The highlight of the trip was probably the show in the big center square, a belly dancing performance by a group of very talented girls. (I know I don’t have to keep explaining, but I will.) They performed a few group and individual numbers of really impressive dancing, then even went out into the audience and started giving people on-the-spot lessons. It was a lot of fun, and surely got a bunch of the uptight church group members to loosen their ties a bit.

After a couple “Arabic empanadas” (reasonable priced for their size at $4 pesos each) and a quick trip to the replica of the Wailing Wall (where, according to a sign, they actually send any notes left there to the real wall in Jerusalem), it was time for the grand finale. Tons of people gathered for the big Resurrection, and little old ladies pushed and shoved to get the best seats. The 60-foot statue of Jesus had unnoticeably retracted into the mountain and now it was time for him to reappear.

The presentation was slow and dramatic. The people around me looked up in awe as Robo-Jesus ascended into the sky. About halfway up, Handel’s “Messiah” began blasting from the speakers, a detail that almost sent me over the edge. I respectfully composed myself and finished watching the show.

Figuring that nothing else could possibly top that performance, I waved goodbye to the last fake camel and left the park. All-in-all, it was an interesting experience, certainly a learning one, and something I will surely remember for a very long time. I wouldn’t say that I was inspired, but I was definitely entertained for an afternoon by this larger-than-life character and the celebrity that surrounds him. Now, I can truly say that Robo-Jesus is my homeboy.

Sam Ginsburg
LPBA Staff

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