Darkside, Guides to the Darkside of Buenos Aires

Dating Advice: For the Gents in Buenos Aires


By | July 15, 2010 | 9 comments

Histerica, An Outsiders Perspective

*As a precursor to keep us out of hot water; we are generalizing in this article for simplicity’s sake*. Not every girl in Buenos Aires is histerica nor attractive. Not every male tourist is as cool as our LandingPad authors. In conclusion we can state that many females in Buenos Aires are hot and all these women should come hang out with us. Glad we got this cleared up…

Arriving to Buenos Aires as a male bachelor can be visually, the greatest decision you have ever made. The ladies here are very attractive, classy, well read and they’re not from your annoying home country. There have been many occasions where I have walked into a bar and mentally confirmed that I would have sex with 80% of the females. This will be the case when in Buenos Aires for you gents.

*Tip for the ladies reading this: Yes, if we are a single male we almost always do a mental confirmation upon entering a room, bar, outside…about who we would “make it” with.

Now, let us introduce a term the Buenos Aires males have coined: “Histerica”. The loose definition of this word does not mean hysterical. Rather it was translated to me once as “she is hot, and then cold.” Apply this concept to the majority of the females here in Buenos Aires and you have yourself a frustrating time trying to advance to coitus.

Let’s examine with the help of our male friends here in Buenos Aires: When historically contemplating this phenomenon you come to a which came first question: The lovely ladies of Buenos Aires (or “Portenas”) are defensive and have tough exteriors. They hardly pay any attention to a suitor, are dismissive and are self-assured. The local gentlemen are aggressive, charming, quick thinking and confident. Are the ladies merely reacting with this defensive and mysterious behavior to the males’ aggressive advances? Or have our male Argentinean friends had to up their game to pry open the oyster…so to speak? I don’t know, but this is the case.

What’s more important is when you are out with your successful Argentine buddies how do they close the deal so often where you are left standing stirring a drink? They are secure, smooth, charismatic, speak Spanish and probably are generally better looking than you. All helpful elements. But wait- you have an advantage good sir, you are now the exotic foreigner.

Think of how the women react to movies like “French Kiss”, “Zorro” or whatever the kids are watching these days. The foreign males are different. They offer a fresh drink of water and this is what they will partially expect from you.

Using what skills you have (I suggest using some English speaking scenario), eventually you will land ‘the digits’ or perhaps it may be coupled with a kiss (Don’t be afraid to go for the kiss within 10 minutes…I’m not kidding). Let me assure you, this means absolutely nothing. You do not have a booty call guarantee, you don’t have a coffee date, you don’t even have a secure response to whatever communication you shall attempt after the standard two day waiting period. You will have to fight for her attention in any future scenario or will you…

Give her a small amount of attention. The more common complaint I hear is that text message exchanges will commence and typically lead to last minute cancel. Attempts at rendezvous, etc will continue to be cancelled and eventually drift to nada. “She is hot” (got number, kissed in bar) “then cold” (she is now dropping you like an old empanada).

“It’s all a numbers game”. –S.T.

My recommendation is simple and sleazy. Keep going out and seeking more numbers. I know this was probably not the battle plan back in Essex or Maryland or wherever you are from, but there is strategy. If you start building up a pipeline of numbers and juggling messages the effect will be your concentrated attention is diluted and drawn away from just one lady. The slight amount of attention will or should increase your odds.

That’s it. Histerica issue partially solved. Good luck and don’t trust this article. It guarantees nothing-

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  1. Bell

    17/12/2010 - 9:40 pm

    That’s very true. We are very hot-cold. It’s because we are used to Argentinian men- if you don’t show yourself as very cold, they won’t stop nagging.

    It’s very, very normal to kiss a guy within the first five minutes of dancing with him (if he’s hot enough, and you are drunk enough) only to dump him after fifteen passionate minutes. We are used to guys very nearly demanding to go to a hotel unless you get rid of them quickly, which is why we behave that way. Don’t feel it’s personal!

  2. raymond e lee carmichael

    19/05/2011 - 3:30 pm

    I love the flirty nature of the latinas, sure it´s like swimming with sharks, but sharks rarely eat other sharks, so if it´s a bit too full-on for you try coffee dates or speed date nights. It´s basic genetics only the strong survive!

  3. Bell

    24/07/2011 - 4:57 am

    @raymond e lee carmichael
    Just a tip: don’t refer to us argentinians as latinas. We don’t use that word to refer to ourselves, we are not a “race” and we are not a second cass citizen in a foreign country. We are argentinians.

  4. aguitas

    05/01/2012 - 5:36 pm

    Re: Bell

    You sound like a typical white Argentine elitist. There is nothing “second-class” about being Latino/a. I am an Argentine in the U.S., and I am also a Latina.

  5. Bell

    27/05/2012 - 4:22 pm

    @aguitas That’s the thing, you are already an immigrant and the term carries no negative connotations to you. What we perceive as the Usonians calling “latinos” are the grossly stereotyped characters on TV; the ignorant, the underdogs, the “Señor Peter not here” type. That’s not our identity- I’m sure it’s not yours either, but it’s what the great majority of argentinians perceive to be, and we will naturally feel offended when we think foreigners are haughtily treating us the way they treat their immigrants.
    In any way, even the most well-travelled argentinian might feel diplaced when someone attempts to bag them together with people from other nationalities. Taking care to not use that term here is good advice for those who do not wish to be perceived as feeling superior or trying t belittle the people they are talking to.

  6. Duro Pena

    13/07/2012 - 5:40 am

    Shut up with that talk. Almost evryone I ever met in Argentina upon hearing my crappy spanish referred to me as a yankee. That is YANKEE as stupid non spanish speaking gringo.

  7. Sam

    13/07/2012 - 10:28 am

    @Duro- Guy, “yanqui” is not necessarily a negative term. “Boludo” which means dummy/jerk can be used in a friendly manner or as an insult depending on the tone, just like “yanqui”. Yanqui can sometimes simply mean you are from the U.S.

  8. Bell

    27/11/2012 - 2:56 pm

    As Sam says, yanqui can just mean someone from the US. Of course it can sound derogatory at times, but not always. It all comes from the controversy surrounding the whole “America is a continent, not a country” debate. Some argentinians don’t feel comfortable refering to you as an american because we are all americans- that is what our primary school teachers drill in our brains and it’s not easily forgotten.

  9. Bell

    27/11/2012 - 2:56 pm

    Also, don’t tell me to “shut up”, that’s quite rude.