No Means Maybe, Part 2

Like their female counterparts, many men traveling to Buenos Aires also desire—or even expect—to hook up with a lovely young Argentine. What male visitors quickly come to find, however, is that catching the eye of a local lady can be more difficult than originally thought. From personal observations, it is the most sweet, modest and gentlemanly of visitors that encounter the greatest problems.

Now, it’s true. The women here are famously beautiful, intelligent and classy. But since these women are accustomed to being approached frequently by men, it may seem that they never hesitate to say the word “no.”

So what’s a guy to do if he fancies a go with a porteña? Aside from the standard rules of first impressions involving hygiene and appearance, there are just three simple lessons to consider before successfully, and reasonably consistently, achieving this feat both in- and outside of Buenos Aires. Like the lessons in part 1, these are very basic lessons. But for the young caballero striking out on his own, they could prove most helpful.

LESSON 1: Know when to take “no” for an answer
When I first sat down to write “No means Maybe,” I was (and continue to be) saddened and frustrated at the frequent sighting of seemingly innocent young foreign women being swarmed by the more skeezy sort of local guy. Of course, not all visiting women are so innocent, and not all Argentine men are so machisto, but the frequency of such occurrences warranted inquiry.

My conclusion was that the problem at hand is a matter of semantics: hence, “No means maybe.” In short summation, the word “no” in Buenos Aires doesn’t always mean “NO!” Certainly, this linguistic caveat is easier for female travelers to acculturate. All we ladies have to do is say “no” more frequently, and depending on the situation, with greater conviction. Men, however, will have to develop a keen sense as to when “no” means “maybe,” and when it really does mean, “NO!”

So, if after your first pass a woman gives you a “no” that’s paired with either a facial expression of pure distaste, or even a physical shove, then you should back off immediately. That is a real “NO!” All other indications of mild distaste or partial rejection should be perceived as “maybe.” All too often, I’ve watched as the more mild-mannered visitors quietly shrink away in embarrassment from the partial “no,” having misconstrued this message as a polite rejection. To the contrary, the soft “no” indicates that you may continue with your attempts at winning her over. But proceed with caution! The “maybe” could be a good sign, but by no means is it the end of this battle. What follows will require you to up your game incrementally.

LESSON 2: Be clever
Alright, you’ve caught her eye and made your first pass. Then what? To turn her luke-warm reaction into a hot, steamy affair, you will now need to catch her ear. But don’t be stupid! The worst thing to do at this point is to revert to old habits and start (or continue) drinking to excess. As Will Betton has elucidated in, “Loud City: Silent Bottle,” Argentines don’t drink as much as gringos. So unless you want to be the dumb borracho (drunk guy), take it easy on the booze. Rather, now is the time to be clever!

But please, be prepared: Argentines are passionate and well-versed in the arts and letters. Don’t be surprised if conversation at this stage in the game turns to literature, music, film or art. So dust off that old anthology from that freshman Lit class, and be ready to discuss your favorite authors, movies, bands and artists.

These conversations can also lead to lively debate, another favorite Argentine pastime. Such debate can spark the fires of a new love interest, but if executed poorly, could result in an awkward end to the conversation. In general, when debating with an Argentine, avoid the topics of politics, religion and past relationships, and always hold your ground in a reasoned and modest manner. Don’t flinch, because if you waiver you run the risk of coming off as unmanly, which will put you in the friend category quicker than you can blink!

LESSON 3: Be decisive
Although this is the third lesson on the list, don’t take it lightly. This is one thing that consistently comes up in conversation with my Argentine friends: they are looking for a man, not a boy. So make your intentions clear. Don’t shy away from striking up a conversation, and if things are going well, don’t hesitate to make the first move. Be decisive! Is her glass empty? Fill it. Not sure of where to go for dinner? Make a suggestion and stick with it. Is she leaning in? Kiss her!

Being a gentleman is not lost on this group of ladies, but you’ve got to do so with gusto and directness. If you get through the first pass, strike up a great conversation and then fail to make a move, an Argentine woman is going to think that you are not interested. Porteñas are discerning, but when they find someone they like, they will make it abundantly clear (although she still probably won’t make a move on her own). So get out there, be perceptive, be clever, and make your move!

Kristin Dean
LPBA Staff

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