Loud City: Silent Bottle

I’ve seen two best friends duke it out over an argument as to whether Moulin Rouge is still a whorehouse and then laugh if off the next day. I once by sheer chance drove by my roommate sprawled out on the sidewalk clutching a Carolina Panthers poster (pilfered from the local sports bar) as if it were his last prized possession. I’ve seen hoards of females bare their breasts for beads, bringing back the barter system. If English is your mother tongue, then you guessed it: the common denominator here is booze.

We all know what college is like. That magical place where abuse of illicit substances is proportionate to how cool you are; and it’s all done under the guise of academic pursuit. Although all too often we cling to this lifestyle well after graduating, that’s not the case in Buenos Aires. The only ones you’ll see stumbling through the streets, hovering over a toilet bowl, or acting a fool on the dance floor are the hordes of study abroad clans that descend upon the city for Fall and Spring term. You know who you are.

Obviously there’s a touch of hyperbole here. The point I’m trying to make is that as wild and vivacious as this city is, it’s not because of the amount of alcohol consumed.

I’ve witnessed a pack of porteñas hop in line right before the 2:00am free entrance cut-off, then proceed to totally rock out on the dance floor for a good hour, split a coca-cola between them, storm the dance floor once more, and then call it an evening. In the same time span, I’ve seen a group of gringos ignorantly arrive a few minutes after cut-off, graciously pay the absurd cover, down a couple of shots (to get in the mood), chase a few rum and cokes while eagerly scanning the scene, move to the opposite side of the club, polish off a few beers, and then finally walk toward a pack of porteñas when, oh too bad, they’re on their way out the door.

If you’ve ever been to a coffee shop in Buenos Aires, you’re already aware of how much they love to chat here. The general cheer and frequent bellows of laughter seem to spring naturally from their constant wit and double-entendre. But I also sometimes wonder that maybe that they just get excited about mundane things.

” ¡Es un martes!”

”¡Martes!”

”¡Que día boluda!”

”Mira como suena: Mar-tes. ¡Una maravilla che!”

I jest because I’m jealous. The fact is that whether you’re in Seattle or London or Melbourne, you need a couple of cold ones before putting on your dancing shoes. I don’t think it would be too far-fetched to conclude that sitcoms such as Seinfeld have produced a hyper-aware, self-conscious young adult culture that tends to over-analyze social situations whether we realize it or not.

Your average Argentine might not have had the pleasure of chuckling at Kramer’s zany antics, but the males don’t need a lick of booze before pouring their heart out to the first ”looker” that passes by.

This is where it gets interesting. Because of the lack of inhibitions on the part of the porteños , the females have put up a defense system that might seem too formidable for the unsuspecting traveler. Just because a girl says ”no” or pretends to ignore your existence, this doesn’t mean she’s not keen. What she really means is, ”prove to me that you’ll put forth some effort and then maybe we’ll talk.” So for all you arriving females, be warned: the porteño is persistent and will woo you with his seven words of English if you give him the time of day.

So it may get a bit awkward when you’ve got a couple of Argentine amigos over, Fernando is the last one to play out in Shithead, and you pour him a sizeable rum shot as punishment. Or you’ve finally got that make-shift beer pong table and are intent on introducing it to South America. Be sure to warn all Argentine players of the consequences before they get involved, otherwise you might wind up with a soap opera on your hands.

Besides the fact that the Argentines don’t need proper alcoholic coaxing to be social, there are other factors to be considered. Argentina has come a long way since the 2001 economic crisis, but they have also witnessed some serious inflation (40%+) in the past couple years. The government will tell you otherwise, but I can testify that a typical dish from the local bakery in 2006 was about $7 pesos. Now you’re looking at a solid $17. So if you apply this to drink prices at the bar, it can be a bit absurd for the working man that’s seen a minute salary adjustment. But I guess this is just one more thing to talk about.

There is also much more social stigma centered around foolish drunken antics. Back home one might be showered with high-fives for being removed forcefully from a club for stripping on the bar or spewing one’s innards on someone’s shoes. Not the case here. So don’t look for Argentine support next time you commit a drunken folly. They don’t roll like that.

If there is a moral to this story, I think the gringos could take a tip from the natives here. Rely on your own wit and creativity instead of alcohol for social inspiration. It sure is fun getting drunk though!

Will Betton
LPBA Staff